Dear Mr. Dawg,I need some serious advice. Over the holidays, I injured myself wrapping presents. It's a pretty bad cut, almost an inch long on my pinky finger. It bled for a while. I'm still on break from work but soon will be back in the grind. I'm not sure I'll be better by then...
Problem is Dawg, my bosses are real sticklers about work. They want me there a lot, even when I'm hurt. I took a few days off last year and they got real mad. What if my finger isn't right by spring Dawg, what should I do? -Jacoby
Dear Jac,
First off, wrapping presents is women's work. The 'Dawg gives his wife a new car every year just to avoid wrapping. But, since you decided to be in touch with your feminine side, it seems to be affecting you in other ways. The first thing you're going to need to do is change your maxi pad. Then, when you get that squared away. Cut your GD pinky off like Ronnie Lott did so he could play in a playoff game. I once saw Butch Hobson play a day night doubleheader with a piece of tape holding his arm together. Of course, he had ingested copious amounts of painkiller in powder form to help ease the pain. He also couldn't reach first base with his throws, but that's not what matters.
What matters is being a gamer. And if you are looking for excuses not to play, then you are no dirt dog.
Pedroia was basically out there last year taking grounders in a cast. He couldn't stand missing games while other players didn't even hang out with the team. Instead, they went to a beauty spa in Arizona. Now the Dawg has nothing against spas, I enjoy a good facial from time to time. I mean, who doesn't - but if a player is injured he should be around the team. Otherwise his teammates look at him as a big douchebag. But you can rebound from this new affliction by taking off the skirt and playing through a little pain, you pussy. XOXOX'Dawg
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