Soriano? The Yankees Now Have Some Depth

Dawg,
Have the Yankees leveled the playing field now that they signed Rafael Soriano? -Ryan in Gloucester

Dear Bryan, First off, I wonder what Joba is thinking right now?

He went from can't miss starter to heir apparent to Mo to set up guy to borderline, last man in, middle innings eater with a sweet DUI video and a meth mom mixed in for good measure. He went from invincible to a few bugs throwing him off his game against Cleveland in the playoffs to piece of shit AAAA mop up man in three years. Not that the Sox haven't had a few like him - I think Craig Hansen is the assistant carriage boy at my Stop&Shop. From what I understand he pushes the carts hard, but is very erratic.

I think Soriano is a good relief pitcher, and the Yankees bullpen is strong, and on paper is the strongest in the league. BUT, they are a tender elbow and sore back away from being garbage. They have serious issues with depth. They either sign suddenly over the hillers like Lance “The Prance” Berkman or absolute trash from AAA - like who the hell are these guys: R. Pena. They are one Cameron Diaz forcing AROD to "tweak" his hip away from replacing Arod with R. Pena. I'm not sure if R is his first name or if that stands for Rogelio or Renne.'

Quick, can anyone name Jeter's backup or Cano's? Guess who? That's right, R. Pena. So if there's some kind of locker room sexcapades and the naked tower tumbles the wrong way, R Pena better be ready to field three positions and hit .340.

Also, as I blissfully type this, Andy Pettite is spending time with his wonderful family in Deer Park, Texas. I hear Deer Park is an amazing place, especially from the months of April through November. Not to be missed. I have sent Mrs. Pettite several Tantra books, silk sheets and lube by the gallon just to make sure Deer Park's finest citizen is happy in all the phases of his life. Which I believe for a dullard like Pettite includes hunting, eating, crapping, mouth breathing and reproducing.

So that leaves Sergio Mitre (I'm pretty sure he's named after a gay saw) and Ivanona (I think I saw them open up for Loverboy in 1984) in the Yankees rotation. Now, that lights out bullpen will be overused. We all know CC gets tired, or hungry, after 6 innings. Inning eater Burnett is usually ready for a beer and tattoo after threeandtwothirds and Hughes still has the "Hughes rules" because the Yankees treat their young starters like fragile crystal eggs with anthrax in them. When do they take the diapers off Phil and let him go more than 6? Probably not this year. So, that puts a lot of pressure and innings on that infallible Yankees bullpen.

I still think the scales are tipped our way, but I am a major homer with tons of bias. -'Dawg