Friday, May 11, 2012

Philly, Home of America's Cheapest Hand-Job

Dawg, 
Is Philly still the best place in American to get a hand-job from a homeless dude for the price of a crack rock? Is Josh washed up? Dirk, Boston

Dear Joshie,
Philly is home to a broken 300 year old liberty bell, feces infested steak sandwiches and, it's true, the cheapest gay handjob available in our great country.  I can't wait to see the Celtics crush the sixers - as it is now, was in the beginning and ever shall be - bank on it.

Hopefully the boo birds will motivate Beckett to get his fat Texas ass in gear.  I am outfitting a helmet with a pole, string and beer can attachment to motivate him.  It's still in beta testing but we believe that with beercouragement, Beckett will be back to his dominant self.  the other option is to let he, Lackey and Buchholz hold a round robin Russian roulette tournament.  That's what I call a win-win-win.

Also, I love you KG. -Dawg

homeless-signs-23
(Beckett in 3 months)
women-in-lingerie-7
(I'm shagging this one next weekend, she keeps callin' me)


Hunger Games

dopamine dump 34 Friday Dopamine Dump (37 photos)
dopamine dump 2 Friday Dopamine Dump (37 photos)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

LeBron's Mom

Dawg, 
I know you've had a lot of women. Have you ever tapped LeBron's mom? Justin, Southy

Dustin, 
A lot is a huge understatement, but I do not believe Mrs. LeBron (LeBronica?) and I have done the deed.  She's about 30 years too old for the Dawg.  It takes a young filly to satisfy this old Stallion. Just because half the NBA has tapped that, doesn't mean the Dawg has been there, done that.  


I don't know if you've noticed but I've been "sick" with a sinus infection for about a month now.  Any idiot who buys that I have a sinus infection has never been to cocaine rehab before.  Now, I'm not saying I am in cocaine rehab, but why else would I miss this awesome Red Sox season that is unfolding before us? I mean who doesn't want to watch Fat Labers give up massive home runs to lose games.  You can't see that crap in rehab.  Don't worry, I'll be back soon, stronger, smarter and less likely to fall off the wagon. 

Hugs, not drugs (for now).

Dawg


cleavage awesome 7 The not so subtle art of cleavage (31 Photos)

Friday, May 4, 2012


Dawg, 
I know he tore his ACL but the way he looked writhing on the ground, it seemed like Mo got snipped by Sirhan Sirhan. How did you do it Dawg? Will the Yankees be ok? -John, North Haven


J, 
The Dawg has never been a fan of any Yankee, any ex-yankee, any family member (distant relatives count) or fans of those assholes in Pinstripes.  Did you know they came out with Yankee cologne and perfume this year?  It smells like the Men's room at Old Yankee Stadium on $1.00 beer night during a janitor's strike.  I have to admit to fantasizing about razor blading Mariano's achilles when I was in an elevator with him several years back.  In fact, I had my hand on a knife and was salivating over that stick-like chicken leg, thinking I could end his career in a nano second and be on my merry way, the savior of Redsox Nation.

I must also admit to making fun of Mariano when he electrified his swimming pool and a few family members became Rivera Flambe when they mistakingly jumped into his private, not to be touched by other humans, swimming pool.  I mean, that was a dick move, no?

All that said, of the yankees I have watched over the years Mariano is most definitely the most talented and likable of the lot.  He's a class act and the best relief pitcher of all time (apologies to Mark Clear).

But to answer your question, bleachers, straw in drink is actually a dart gun, dart is actually a microbe that eats away at cartilage.  Two shots, one to the MCL, one to the ACL for good measure.  Career OVAH.

'Dawg

Thursday, May 3, 2012


Dawg shagged this last Thursday. I may call her again. She was a good cuddler.