Baltimore's Chances? Dead Birds Don't Fly

Dawg, What's up with all these dead birds? Are they Baltimore fans? -Nik, New Haven

Dear Dik, First of all, I think the main point that people are missing with this weird bird thing is that dead birds can't fly. I don't want to get all scientific on you, and talk about the physics involved with gravity, but once those wings stop flapping - BLAM - those bad boys are falling to the earth. Sure, Orioles are known to gravitate towards the bottom of the standings, but don't forget about high flyers like the Blue Jays and Cardinals.

My other theory is that there's a giant cat perched on a cloud, whacking those things out of the sky like Jason Varitek whacking Arod in the face with a mitt. The last theory is that those birds flew all the way from New York to try and woo local Arkansas boy Cliff Lee to come pitch for them and they are dying from mass depression. I mean have you seen their pathetic rotation for 2011. And now they are talking Kevin Milwood or Freddy Garcia? Talk about things that are dead - there's two careers for you that should be.

When Pet-it retires, expect to see some more flocks down over Texas. 'Dawg