I went to a football game in Dallas last week. After slipping on some ice outside, I walked into the stadium and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones grabbed my ticket out of my hand, threw it on the ground and urinated on it while laughing his stretched out face off.
Then he made me sit in a folding chair beside a sausage vendor to watch the game. Dawg I've never been to a Super Bowl game before and I paid $8,495,504 for that ticket. Was I ripped off? -Left Out in Leminstah
Dear Left Out of the Game,
Here's what I suggest:
Stay in Dallas (Arlington, actually) for another two months. How much can a hotel room cost in Texas? (Do they even take American Money there?) and go see the 2011 World Series Champions open up against the 2010 American League Champions (Rangers) the weekend of 4/1/2011. That's right in just 8 short weeks (or less, Dawg is not a math guy) your Boston Red Sox will be opening up in Arlington. Now, if you present your Super Bowl ticket to me, and I can test for Jerry Jones' DNA, and confirm his DNA, Dawg will present you with a seat to the game for free. You will have to sit next to an Orange Don, who will be blinding from having been in Florida for two months, but you'll be able to sit in the booth with me, Charlie Sheen, Hosni Mubarek and a gaggle of whores and piles of drugs. I promise, it's not to be missed.
XOXOX
'Dawg
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