Thursday, July 2, 2009

A Message From Your President,

Red Sox Nation,

I know you are all wondering where I am, and aside from a message here, an appearance there...RD has been absent. Here's the deal, since this blog is private and meant for close family friends only (and Red Sox Nation), I thought I would document my real whereabouts here. Few know, because of my standing in the community, that I have spent the last 35 years working for the American military. Sometimes for the CIA, sometimes as an international "diplomat." President Bush (the one w/out TBI) called me the Moe Berg of my generation. I don't know about all that but I do know that I can shoot the nipple off a Yemen mountain goat from 2,000 yards and breath underwater for 7 minutes with my shoe.

So here I am, in the mountains of Bolivia (my wireless up here is great, thanks Theo!). I'm tracking a vicious right wing junta who will attempt to overthrow the government here in two weeks. My job: Assassinate Fidel Muchocabre before he can take power and shift the balance in Central America. You may ask what qualifies me for assassination duty in Central America? Well, aside from good looks and a Central American looking mustache, I am a world famous sports broadcaster that nobody would suspect as a special ops. agent. Sure, I could be selling hot dogs or Wally Charm bracelets to tourists in Boston, but I have to admit, there's nothing like seducing a 20 year old Peruvian supermodel spy so she'll give me the coordinates of the next Al Qaeda meeting.

I miss the Sox, Fenway and even Don's makeup "tan" - but I've been called to duty by the other Nation. Okay, gotta run, they're on the move and I just got bit by a bug bigger than Eck's moustache in '78. -RD

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