Dawg,
Why the hell is our black president drinking Guinness in Ireland? The news tells me he's an elitist latte drinking communist dictator that I should hunt down like a dog before he destroys humanity, but when I see him down a Guinness in a pub, I start to think...But then the guys on EEI bring me back down to earth and I start hating again. Dawg, what to do? -Owen MickO'Toolihan
Dear Owen,
The 'Dawg doesn't like to dabble in politics, because I deal in absolutes. Mother Theresa? Good. Hitler? Bad. Dawg would be in the Mother Theresa party and not the Hitler party. When the lines aren't as clear, my head starts spinning.
Do you know what Dawg does when his head spins? That's right, he reaches for a beer. Beer has been known to solve problems. Now, any idiot can hoist a clear Miller Dry Pale Light Ice Lime and take a few sips before handing it off to the guy who carries the president's crap around until nobody's looking and then trashes it. You know, like when the French hand the president some kind of vomit cheese.
Is he supposed to actually admit that rotten rancid crap is edible and end up in the presidential shitcan all week plotting to invade Marseille? No, F that, the leader of the free world should not be forced to eat some rotten goddamned fruitcake from the Balkans. So, when they actually down their Guinness in four gulps, and their lady hops behind the bar and starts pouring (properly I might add), that's impressive. I'm guessing that that one beer might be the end of Tsunamis, hurricanes, bad levies, poverty, war, the Yankees....That beer is probably the beginning of the golden era of our Nation and possibly the world. Dawg's advice to the president would have been to follow it up with a few shots of Irish Whiskey (when in Dublin)...Christ we could be colonizing other galaxies by next Tuesday if I had a say. Anyhow, I agree I can drink a beer with that guy, any time. -'Dawg
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