Throwing a Puppies Down a Well

Dawg, Can you tell me why thinking about the Red Sox dugout makes me want to throw a puppy down a well?

Listen,

Bullpens are like a hooker's private parts, you never know what you're going to get when you pull down those trousers.  It could be Bridgeport at low tide or a beautiful spring morning in the Alps.  Seeing that the Red Sox signed 48 pitchers to compete for the fifth spot, I figure Ben is thinking he can just plug a few of the losers into the bullpen.  It's a little scary to take Bard and Aceves out of the bullpen seeing that they were the only two pitchers worth a shit last year in close/tight games.  I think Melancon is going to be very good, I also think as long as Bailey's arm isn't Swiss Cheese by May, he'll be a good closer...but that's a big if. 
. 
There's a few of the regulars like Fat Albers, Old Man Atchison and Franklin "Wild Thing" Morales. Let's just say that motley crew aren't inspiring a lot confidence. Maybe a guy like Bowden or Miller will finally step up and get somebody out, but I wouldn't count those chickens hatching either. 

On second thought, it's low tide in Bridgeport:
Go ahead and fire that mutt down the well... -Dawg