By any other injury would smell as sweet.

I Wouldn't Trust Him to Sell Tacos

Dawg,

I knew going into the season that Valentine was an egotistical jerk, but I thought he was supposed to be a good in game manager. So far he has kept Bard and Morales in way past their expiration date.  When is Tito coming back? -Worried in Worcester

Worried, 

Although it may seem like I’ve been calling games since 1^st pitch this year, I’ve been away helping the president get ready for a trip to Columbia (it looks like he won’t be needing me for a while though so I'm back). 

That’s actually been my robot double in the booth constructed of Wally innards, old sausages and Don’s empty tanning bottles. Don has no idea. Pretty good imitation, right? The front office told Don his old bottle collection had to "moved" to make room for a moustache collection. 

At this point Mr. Valentine couldn't scrub the wax off Tito’s forehead, who must be laughing somewhere under a waitresses skirt right now. The Red Sox are terrible and the rest of baseball knows it. The Sox ownership has made a huge mistake in bringing in a man who can’t manage a simple game. Take away the Tampa series and this is the worst team in the game. At this point, I don’t think I’d trust Bobby to sell tacos out of the trunk of my car.

Can’t wait for the Yanks this weekend, let’s hope Granderson is particularly susceptible to soft starting pitching and a weak bullpen. But have no fear nation, I think this team will eventually thrive despite this moron. Who knows, maybe he's even gone by the break? We'll always have the Olympics and these two.

Dawg,
The 1st time I ever seen someone smoke weed was in the bleachers at Fenway Park. I also saw a man get his head slammed into a concrete wall in the grandstands during a Yankees/Red Sox game. Will events like these be included in the Fentenial celebration this year? -Milt, Milton MA


Dear Milt,

I do not believe they will be highlighting those finer points.  Did you know that 13 babies have been born in Fenway? 312 deaths?  I'm pretty sure there's been a lot of fornication (not even counting Oil Can) because watching the sox stirs up certain feelings in men.  I wonder how many Yankee fan corpses have been found hidden in Fenway?  Not enough is the correct answer.  Sorry Milt, our highlights are their low lights. (All numbers have been made up because Dawg doesn't have time to do actual research). -D

Sox Sweep Those Bitches Away: Sox "improve" to 4-5. Happy Jackie Robinson Day

Sexual Thumb Related Accident

Dawg, Did Josh hurt his thumb opening a beer or eating a chicken leg? -Concerned in CT

CT, No, I do not believe this was a chicken/beer related incident.  I'm also hoping this isn't some thumb plague or a sexual thumb related accident.  Remember, 'Dawg has been all around this great world and has seen some seriously perverted crap. I think it's just a result of the Sox doing so well in Spring Training that they have been giving the thumbs up way too much.  Just be grateful that it wasn't a high five related accident, a butt slapping mishap or the nearly always sometimes sort of fatal trampoline disaster.  

Remember to keep your thumbs out of holes they don't belong in...-'Dawg